New Years Resolution

INTENTIONS 2023

I survived “The Holidays” and I would like to be the first to congratulate you on your own success in this area. I don’t know why it gets so stressful but also, the crowds, the search for the perfect gift, the expenses, and last minute, well, last minute everything is part of the charm.  Now we can clear the table and start a freshly energized cycle for the next 11 months leading up to more of the same. 

For this new year, 2023, I made no resolutions. In past years I’ve listed scores of things I want to change, or conquer, or accept, and then I promptly lose the list so instead, for 2023, I wrote my intentions for this year on the cover of a new notebook. 

I plan to see my intentions at least once a day which means keeping track of the notebook.  You might be saying ‘she’s got to be kidding, just put the notebook in the same place every day.’  If it was that simple, I wouldn’t have to muse about it!  

My intention for today is to keep the notebook nearby, make my plans for today and that’s all I need to do, daily.  Wish me luck. 

I want to talk TikTok

TikTok brings me joy.

Why?

It’s hard to say.

During the first part of the Covid Stay At Home orders in our state, my husband would stare at his iPad for hours (not kidding here) every evening while he had a cigar. It annoyed the crap out of me. “What is the big deal,” I’d complain. “Oh, right, it’s people making dumb faces and spewing little needed facts about things like how to make fondant flowers!” I shook my head and then went off to bed while he sat on the porch for another hour flicking at his screen, up, over, up, and so on.

This was TikTok and I was not a fan until, one night my daughter saw me seething her dad’s new evening hobby (as if I wasn’t alienated enough by cigar smoke), and she showed me her favorite things about TikTok. I wasn’t immediately sold but, I was curious enough to go back for more the next day when I secretly made an account. I wanted to be able to select or share videos, to post a comment or ask a question. She invited me to be in a TikTok with her, just so I could understand how it works. “Wow,” I said, “that was fun and I don’t even know why.”

It wasn’t long before I made a recipe, from TikTok, or showed my husband a really good guitar riff to learn, from TikTok, and so on. There are tons of household hacks, videos by authors, musicians, magicians, dancers, of course tons of puppies and kittens recipes, you name it, you can find it. But the one thing I get from TikTok that is hard to find these days, is joy. There is an abundance of joy in the videos, and there are people in real pain finding support from humanity. That was the draw, and that’s what keeps me there. Of course, opinions and haters are abundant too, but it’s easy to outnumber the bad with the good once you find the best minded individuals to follow and if you don’t want comments, turn them off.

I talked about TikTok to my music students in the weeks that followed my indoctrination. It seemed like a young persons media so I thought it would make me seem cool. I promised that I would make a video about music as soon as they all completed their missing work. I believe now, that they just thought I was just more than usual. But I did make the video and once again, it was fun and I don’t even know why. There is a link at the bottom of the page if you want to see it.

I’m making more TikTok videos now, mostly for fun but at the core something has been liberated from my psyche that until now has always held me back. My fear and insecurities have somehow been replaced with courage. Something has become more important than fear.

I’ve been thinking about making a series of videos concerning weight loss, thinking that may be a way to actually get to my long and far away goal. If it works, it will be great! If it doesn’t work, I’ll still have the same problem but it will be less “weighty.”

Helen’s TikTok

It’s okay to be happy today.

This is a scary time. I remember other scary times, but none like this.

This past week I’ve been on social media more than usual — probably more in the past month than in all of the past year.  My website, Helensgoodideas,  was actually broken for a long time because it had a virus (pardon the pun). But now that it back, I will give it some love.

If you are at all like me, you want to laugh at funny movies or watch a comedy special, but at times it feels wrong to have fun when so many people are suffering in so many ways. Still, we need relief from the onslaught of bad news or we will for sure go crazy. Topping illness with a insanity is a bad recipe.

It’s curious thought, that among the despair, there’s also a Renaissance happening everywhere. People are making art and music, and sharing dance videos and magic tricks with facebook, youtube, instagram, and of course with TikTok. We’ve become home chefs and purveyors of goods which we sew, or invent, or print with our 3D printers. I walk my dog and see neighbors doing yard work, or playing with their children, or just sitting on lawn chairs getting some sun. We wave and smile and say hello, and I don’t know the first names of most of the people I pass. Is it possible we see each other more separated than we did when we were together?

I wish to my soul, that nobody else gets sick, that nobody else dies, and that all the jobs and money we’ve lost is returned in droves. I wish this all to go away today and become a blurry memory. But that isn’t likely to happen.

In the meantime, we need to allow ourselves to have fun. My daughter has been bugging me to make a tiktock with her, and finally I did. It wasn’t as embarrassing as I thought and frankly if I waited to be at my goal weight, or in the right lighting it would never happen. So go ahead and dance. You may brighten the day of a person who could use some cheering up. In the meantime, enjoy this

TikTok

She Speaks The Truth

I sent my the very first note for Thank You Thursday today, to Tiffany Jenkins who has quite a story to tell, and I doubt few could tell it like she did. I laughed so hard about a subject to dark, that I realized this is life, like it or not. I have been waiting to get started on this Thank You campaign, and part of her message left me thinking, “what am I waiting for?”

I only knew of Tiffany because the good folks at instagram are so aware of everything we do, and my guess is they matched her content with my viewing, and set us up. I’m sure it was just a mom thing, but it is really so much more.

She tells the story of her addiction and recovery with the most amazing humor; her life as she lives it now, gloriously different than the day she hit her bottom would not be possible without the will to change. But there were many messages she gave that were on point, and relevant, and personal. We all have people in our lives who have addictions, we may not even know it.

Because thank you Thursday is about saying thank you, and not about me, I will stop here but I encourage you to read her book, subscribe to her channel, and also, to send a note to a person who should be thanked.

Mothers Day Humbug

I don’t remember how we celebrated Mother’s Day when I was a child, but when I finally evolved as somebody’s adult daughter, I made sure that I delivered for mom, every year. That may have been a subconscious effort to do penance for my teen years, but what’s the difference. I had a fun day with mother.

Now that I no longer have my own mother to pamper, I wonder why Mother’s Day is less important. I am a mom after all. Did my own mother ever feel that way after her mom passed?

It is impossible for me to say why I’m not a fan of mothers day without sounding selfish. There is a s psychological component at play for sure. I don’t want to be set up for disappointment. No matter what I say, or who I say it to, the day is always kind of lackluster compared to the expectations I have from watching commercials on the subject. I want to spare myself the blow.

Why, and who, decided that we must impose Mother’s Day. While I do think honoring mothers is a nice thing to do, the he truth is that this phenomenon was created by a person who spent the last 20 years of her life trying to have mothers day abolished. Too bad for us that Hallmark had more influence on the country than she did. Ironic too, that she never had children.

And all of this brings me to the point I wanted to make all along. I don’t like Mother’s Day. I’m happy that I was able to treat my mother to her day out – shopping, lunch, girl things. I miss her. When she passed away, we cleaned out her apartment I kept her sewing machine, her wind up toy of a doll called ‘Matzo Man’ who sings when you wind him up, and I kept her jewelry box that contained nothing more valuable than my memories. If she were alive still, I’d be on my way to see her right now, probably without my own kids since it’s mothers day after all, and call me selfish, but it’s Mother’s Day and my kids are kids, not mothers.

I would like to promote a weekend cruise 2020 for mothers only. No dads, no kids, and no exceptions either. Exceptions get us into trouble.

Let’s go out and celebrate what all those hard lessons have taught us:

We are in charge of our own happiness.

To impose our expectations on dads and kids is just an exercise in futility, and disappointment, and on some level, is simply an injustice for them. I mean, earrings and mugs that say ‘I ❤️ Mom’ are nice, but do I need to say anything more about Mother’s Day knickknacks?

Let’s have fun like we used to. Leave your cell phone on dry land, turn off the internet, eat and drink and play the music loud! A weekend of camaraderie at sea with other mom warriors is this is the gift I want next year. I can just see it. My husband and our daughters drive me to the pier and hand over my luggage. I blow a kiss from the main deck as the ship leaves the harbor and as I wave goodbye I call to them. “See you Sunday! If you have an emergency, dial 9-1-1. Bye now.”

I’m in charge. Why don’t I have an office?

I was driving.  My daughter, who was then about 5 years asked: “Mom, how do you get to be in charge?”

“What do you mean? In charge of what?”   I answered.  

“Like, you’re in charge of all of us.  How do you get to be in charge?”

My friend, and mom of  two boys, called me at that very moment and I deferred to her.  “Mel wants to know how I got to be in charge of everyone.”

 Her response,  “Oh, right, that’s the booby prize. “

It’s true. I am the person who keeps the budget, who finds the missing shoe, who keeps track of who goes where, and when, and so on. It certainly reads like a boss’s job, yet I don’t feel like a boss.  Bosses go out to lunch, they don’t prepare the meal and also clean up after everybody leaves the room. Bosses wear nice clothes. I wear what I slept in.  Bosses get a paid vacation. I don’t even get paid. Bosses have an office door that closes to indicate they would like privacy, and they get it!  Well, that’s fun to imagine.

If I had an office, with a door to close, it would be lovely. There would be a

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What Attention Span?

IMG_6030 This morning I did the regular morning things that many moms do, making coffee, tending to the pets and walking past the kitchen sink filled with dirty dishes.  

Because we’re still on summer break, structure at home is lacking, at best. well,  not. I am happy with flexible due dates and plans based on the contingency of good weather and good moods.  There’s no rush to do much of anything unless company’s coming.   

I know I should set a timer and get some things done. Reading email and perusing facebook can be quite a time suck if I don’t limit my time  resources.  But hold on, I’m on summer vacation right?   I don’t have to worry being late for work, or finding the missing whatever for school.  

I go about reading email without limits, and I saw a notice about an upcoming convention. The subject line reminded about a seminar I’ve been waitlisted for, so I opened a new tab for that.  When the webpage loaded there were all kinds of popups and sidebars, and of course one got my attention but but clicking on the link took me right to Amazon, where wouldn’t your know it, a daily deal for a small printer, just what I needed. A printer was the one thing we forgot to send with our oldest child when she left for college earlier this week. The price was appealing but I always check Shopzilla and it looked like Target had the best price so why not just click on that link too?  I opened the Target page so I could put the printer in my cart  but then I realized  I may as well do the pick up order and get more coffee and dog food.  I left the page open as I stood to put my teacup in the sink and it was then that I began wondering if I really needed to send my daughter a printer.

I looked at the dishes which were piled high, even for me. It was then that I realized I’d been very good at wasting the morning thus far and perhaps it was time to do something useful.  I placed my cup on top of the dishes, tossed my spoon on the counter between two cereal bowls and left the room.  If I was going to waste time I might as well waste it at the beach.  

On my desk I noticed my planner and long list of things that needed to be done.  As soon I can I will go back to the kitchen and have a go at the dishes,  but it’s such a nice day, maybe I should take a walk first and clear my head.  Then, I’ll have a healthy(ish) snack, put my feet up and decide about that printer. Â