Month: August 2015

I believe that music has power, but what I’ve discovered recently is my old suggestion of making them sing is still viable, but in a new and unexpected way.

 

 

When my kids were little and angry with each other (or more likely me), I made them sing until everybody was happy.   This was typically a nighttime event because they were young and tired and slightly irrational little beings, so they’d go off on really small issues and at that moment, no conversation would work.

I sat in their rooms, encouraged them to sing a song with me and they never agreed right away, so I sang  ‘You Are My Sunshine’ all by myself.  I refused to leave until they were singing it with me and it only took about a minute before they were happy again.  My goal wasn’t  to resolve anything between them or me, I only wanted to lighten the mood enough to have a rational conversation, or at the very least have them go to bed happy and not all pissed off over something really small.

It worked every time.

It still works, but not in the same way.

Now if I ask them to sing they just get more angry.  Of course I’m relentless about this and I won’t stop singing until they at least stop throwing things at me.  Eventually one of the sisters comes by to ask me to stop as well, and as a last resort they join forces to take me down.  I eventually do go down, but never easily.

The downside to this is that they rarely agree to sing with me nowadays. The upside is that they see how working as a team can accomplish things for their greater good and by the end we’re all laughing (most of the time) and whatever was in the storm cloud has gone away and I can get some rest.  It may not make the issue go away for good, but it definitely makes us realize that we can deal with the small stuff in a small way, count blessings instead of keeping score, and gets them working together instead of at odds.

So yeah, I believe music has power, and sometimes in the weirdest ways.

 

 

 

There are three rubber ducks in my car, each a different color.

I took a seminar once about color and personality  and at the time my personality was called orange, so I  assigned the orange duck to my oldest daughter because  she’s the most like me.   The other two girls have a specific duck too, but for other reasons.

When we’re in the car and two of them are at “high argument” status, I arrange them accordingly, and when the argument is over, I lay them down due to battle fatigue. If one of the girls does something special (like empties the dishwasher without being asked) her duck gets alone time and the others get put away for a bit because let’s face it, at that moment I have a favorite.

My daughters all understand the duck system and normally all three of them are on display but sometimes one finds herself riding in the console. The duck punishments are never long but it gets the point across that mom is not happy.  It’s on those occasions they soemtimes ask what they can do to get out of the console and back on the dashboard.  I say, “Well, why are you in the console?”, which usually  leads us right into a conversation about better behavior followed by a slow and deliberate climb of the duck to the coveted center spot.  I know this sounds a little crazy and maybe it is, but parenting teens requires creativity, patience, persistence and anything that works – even if it’s a bunch of rubber ducks.

 

I just made my Monday list of things that need attention.  Just like every other Monday, the list is long.  Add to that a lack of structure in my house this summer and I may as well sprinkle everything with apathy.  It only seems fair.

As I listed grocery shopping, errands, and doctor appointments, I remembered that my car has a recall notice which reminded me that it needs an oil change, which reminded me that I have to look up how to raise the volume of my GPS, which reminded me that the GPS needs to be updated… you get the picture right?

So how do you manage to get things done when everything needs doing?  I have a very organized friend who uses a steno pad where adds tasks line by line and crosses them off when they are completed.  When the page is completely crossed off she tears it out.  She told me about her process in an effort to help but my first response was “Good idea but I would lose that notebook by lunchtime and then I’d stress eat – so then two problems instead of one.”

I’ve tried all sorts of things be more organized and productive but so far it’s just a exercise in futility.  I’ve decided to try my friend’s steno pad technique, slightly modified to accommodate my attention deficit disorder (and my lack of a steno pad) and I just made a list of everything I can think that needs to be done as of right now.   Even though my first instinct is to go back to bed right now, I’m going to power through this and select 5 things to put in my planner for today.  I’m taping one ongoing list to my desk where it stands the best chance for survival and I’m being realistic about what I can do throughout the week.  My hope is that instead of falling into a bag of despair tonight disguised as Lays Potato Chips, I can feel deserving of a bubble bath and chapter or from Target’s book selection of the month.

Have a good day and set the bar low.  It’s easier to jump once you’re really good at high stepping.